It has been a while since you have passed away from us. 1996 feels like an eternity. I know that you are in a much better place and would not wish one more moment of pain for you here just to see you again, but I sure do miss you sometimes. I just wanted to write some thoughts down (and post it for the world to see) and tell you how much you have meant to me.
I owe you a lot. I truly believe that the person that I have become today is a direct result of the impact you have had in my life. I see so much of you in me it is crazy. Thank you for giving me the ability to let "stuff" roll off my back and let it go. No matter how bad, you always had a smile. Thank you for teaching me that others come first, and that love is unconditional no matter what they did to you. Thank you for the gift of noticing the good in everyone, even when it is hard to find. But most of all, thank you for your joy. Even as the last few days were coming, you never stopped believing and when you did understand what was about to happen you just simply smiled and said you would see us again. The one thing that I will always remember you saying is that "Happiness is not a destination, but a daily way of travel". That has been a theme for my life.
Lots have happened since those days mom. I am married now and, oh mom, you would love her. Haley is so beautiful and funny. She truly melts my heart each day. We do everything together. I wish you could have met her. If so, she probably would understand better why I am the way I am sometimes.
I have three boys. Jackson is a tall beautiful kid (looks just like his mom). I catch myself looking at him and just am amazed that we are related. He is a popular kid who really should concentrate on school more that friends but he just loves people. He loves sports and does real well with them. It seems like he is dragging us (or really us dragging him) to ballparks and football fields all year round. We are really proud of him. Sam, mom, Sam's a mess. You see the look in his eye and you know that the wheels are turning, you just don't know if its gonna mean we end up in the emergency room (sound familiar?) He looks just like me (not as fortunate as Jack) and has a lot of the same quirks. He climbs everything from trees to buildings. I call him superman. He is a big time momma's boy and has the most tender heart. And last but not least, we have a new addition. This past September, little Charlie came on the scene. We thought, "We have an 11 year old and an 8 year old, why not throw in a baby". People said that we were crazy but I cannot imagine life without him. He has been so much joy to Haley and I and now we truly feel like a complete family. Jack and Sam are wonderful to him and help so much that it makes things really easy. The verdict is still out on what kind of kid Charlie will be, but all I know is that I have never in my life seen a baby laugh and smile as much as this kid has. I mean, every time he wakes up, he's happy. Maybe a little DNA passed on from his grandma.
Well I had better go. I have never been able to do this and just felt a little selfish. I wanted others to know just how I felt about you, and how wonderful you truly were and thought that this was a good way to do it. You know I miss you all the time. Happy Mother's Day Mom.
Love, Jotty
